He made me pinky-promise that he gave me an orgasm.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I don't know if it has occurred to you yet, but you are dating a nymphomaniac, and your work schedule is an interference of my needs being fulfilled. Get home now.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
His friend still there? Be like "I need to see both of your dicks ASAP"
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
Randomize
