And now I'm afraid that I'm a pornographic eater.
I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
so far, I've observed him try to hit on 3 girls, 1 guy and a bar stool. Humanity is amazing from a sober point of view.
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
we need to find a way to be drinking champagne 24/7
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
Why is my belly button ring in my ear
Randomize
