booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
I awoke this morning alone and naked in my bed I forecast my date later not going so well because I have three giant hickies on my neck there is a note next to my bed that looks a 3rd grader wrote it on my college acceptance letter
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
