he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
That's what you get when you play shuffleboard drunk.
She tried to keep her legs crossed last night while doing a keg stand. Way to keep it classy.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
I wasted some perfectly good semen on her
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
You'll have to pretend I'm texting you with buddychecks.
Like the Jimeny Cricket of cockblocks.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I'm seriously considering refraining from drinking on school nights.
I like how you say that with 4 school days left of the school year..
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
I smell like a brewery and I have been drinking for 7 hours. This seems like a perfect time to tell my husband I want a divorce.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
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