i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I swear 95% of pictures on my phone are from drunken nights I don't remember with me doing a peace sign alone in somebody's bedroom.
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
I am the sex elephant in the room. Again.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
Why am I getting texts saying are you ready for this butthole? Help
So many gingers... It's like a beacon went out that said "this one is ok with red hair"
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
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