I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
I totally accidentally said "we don't go around hammering girls in the rear" in front of 132 5th graders today.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I tried to take a cute nude but sneezed halfway through. I sent it anyway
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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