At what point did we cease to have vaginas?
Sometime in the sweat pants phase freshman year.
Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
She tried to sit inside the drawer to my dresser and when it broke, she burst into tears calling herself fat. Too high to deal with this
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
How you doing tonight? I got my butthole licked so i cant complain.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
Randomize
