I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
Guess what? I had way too much to drink today. I'm properly wasted. Doing chores and playing video games while drunk. It's the nexus of stupidity and responsibility.
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
It's been decided..lingerie is an investment. You get free breakfast and cab rides out of it.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
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