I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
I woke up to him yelling "WHO SLEEPS WITH A BEER IN THEIR HAND?!?" this of course, startled me awake and made me spill the aforementioned beer. So I guess the a answer is- not this girl, not anymore. Asshole
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I ripped off the screen and literally supermaned through my bedroom window. That wasted
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
