smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
I told him I'd give him a BJ if he admited Hanson was good.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I couldn't remember if it was hamsters or Iraq that you hated. I'm so sorry.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
It would be awesome if I knew whose teeth these were in my pocket
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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