Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
Have bite marks on my arm where my temporary tat was Saturday night. Did someone try to bite Captain America or something?
One of the many mysteries surrounding the weekend...
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize