Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
In the last six hours i have procured a free sandwich, watched three movies, and came to orgasm. If that isn't productivity then i don't know what is.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
IT'S MY BIRTHDAY. I SHOULDN'T HAVE TO DRIVE 3 HOURS FOR BIRTHDAY SEX.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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