can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
...Saturday night. Get your dick ready. We are going to go nuts. I want to have sex fucking everywhere.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
When we pulled over so you could pee, you made us stand over you and "make a roof"
He's over here like "remember those pics you sent me a couple years ago? Those were hot." And I'm like "remember talking about what we were gonna name our kids a couple months ago? That was hot." Therein lies the disconnect
Fell asleep on kitchen floor again, chicken nuggets everywhere.
I took a pregnancy test at Pancheros a bit ago.
Fun fact: My predictive text now prompts "walrus" as the most likely word to follow "intoxicated"...
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
Randomize