Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i think the whole apartment complex could hear you beating off last night
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
At one point you starting double fisting oreos in your mouth confused about how you got out of the car
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
All I've eaten today is cookie dough, pecan pie and three shots of jack. Finals week here I come.
Please do us both a favor and come rip my clothes off.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Yeah. I fucked her boyfriend, she knows, and she still wants to keep dating him. That's love.
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
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