We played Rock, Paper, Scissors last night to see who was the least drunk to drive.
The Rock won.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
She invited me to an Eagles game, I mean that is almost better then if she told me she could only function with large amounts of semen in her system at all times.
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
Three of the best words ever! Cocaine. Research. Study.
Does the phrase 'traumatizing near-threesome' mean anything to you.
He looks like he has a penis
What the fuck
A good one, a good penis
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
Made up a full house drinking game
On my way.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I've just had my first cup of coffee in a month and I moaned at the first drink and honestly I think this is the most sexual expreiance in 6 months
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
