so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I drank entirely too much. My skin hurts to wear
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Randomize
