Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
it was like eating out sand paper
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
so there is either a lot of blood or a lot of wine in the shower....
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Most people would probably take his lack of responses as a queue to stop. But nope, not me. I just keep going. And that's why I don't have a bf, just a little weinered friend
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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