im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
No sexy Asian girl. No comfy bed. I'm just gonna lie here in the hall next to the garbage can until someone comes home.
You can't tell me you've honestly NEVER considered smoking a Froot Loop
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
Randomize
