I'm texring you during a blow job. She thinks I'm looking shit up. Fml. Ftw.
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
