i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
then you put baby powder on the bottom of your feet and walked to your room so "ladies would follow the footprints"
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
You're about to fuck a guy with a sweatshirt tied around his waist like a mensurating 13 year old. Get your priorities straight, you're graduating tomorrow.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
PS: I just woke up from my shower
Just set myself on fire a little bit. Made me think of you.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
Yeah, so if you ever try to steal it, just know my tongue's been on it in several occasions. All over it.
Randomize
