Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
Going to the market. I need some nachos and a serious re-evalution of my life.
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
is buying liquor on my lunch break too aggressive?
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
