Just did shrooms. Don't feel shit! Wsasted 40 bucks on this! Nothing's happenig except for this little gnome on my shoulder and the couch is melting. Fuckin waste of money.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
the ice cream truck is coming omgomg
dude, it's 2 am.
but its COMING
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
He bought me a flower. He's totally getting head every day for a week.
the general consensus of people in the room is that i should have another bottle of wine.
"people in the room" being me.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Well. I had to explain to my niece that the word cunt is not an abbreviation for country. I'm the best aunt in the world.
But Keith is doing MDMA for New Years and he's 39.
Keith has a beautiful 20 year old girlfriend, a good job and a cute puppy. We can't all be Keith.
But I want to be Keith.
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