Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
My only positive piece of news is that my roommate is moving home for the summer, so our stress-relief sex will be much easier to get away with.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
Randomize
