Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
These fall allergies are really hindering my cocaine habit.
2nd semester senior, always drunk. at this point if i don't get a good parking spot, i turn around and drive home
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I just held a marble with my kegel muscles for 5 min. You may call me COCKCLAMP 9000!!!!
He stopped his car in the middle of ongoing traffic to ask me to marry him. Then he got pulled over. Yeah I'd say the slutty Dallas Cowboys costume was a success.
Your hotness may or may not have landed him in jail.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
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