that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
Latest life lesson : don't accidentally send an "I nutted on her tramp stamp" text to your tattoo-less girlfriend. Oops.
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
you fucking puked into the top of the beer bong while i was chugging from it. when i realized i was chugging your vomit, i vomitted on the floor. she kicked us both out.
Just assessed the damage in the bath. Two love bites. One bruise on the inner thigh. Strange awareness of what i'm assuming is my cervix. I've definitely missed you. x
My ex best friend's ex fuck buddy is visiting. There was no other option but day drinking.
I'm sorry I tried putting my balls in your cup holder.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
Jimmy johns delivers to the bar behind work. Happy vodka day!
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Sooooooo, can scratch getting a pelvic exam by a man dressed as Woody from Toy Story off my list.
You need to write an essay about this experience.
He was even wearing the hat.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
