i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
By the third Id pass back i figured the bouncer had fucked one of us.
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
Exotic beer tasting at my apt right now and by that I mean I bought random beer and I'm drinking it on my balcony
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
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