then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
At this point, I wouldn't be surprised if he laughs at all of our attempts to keep him sober.
his penis was like the majestic horn of a unicorn and I came like a million trumpeting rainbows.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
I have peed in a lot of sinks
Randomize
