fyi, take the long route to the library. the "can i be your baby daddy?" homeless man migrated back for winter
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You peed in my kitchen, while crying and insisting my floor was a toilet.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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