Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
The only thing i was looking forward to on 4th of july was the google logo and they let me down. That and beer, lots and lots of beer
A good ear swabbing is more orgasmic than sex with him
He said my breasts were God's way of making up to him for all the shit he's had to endure in his life.
2010 has been the year of the Eskimo brother. Let's see how many igloos we can shack in next year
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
I just called my mom 'Napoleon bronaparte'. I need to stop hanging out with you.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
Is it bad of me to apply as a night shift counselor at a boys orphanage purely because of how laid that would get me at bars?
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
It feels weird going to sleep without hugging the toilet goodnight
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