Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
i've never smoked before...when you said wake and bake i thought you meant like a funeral bbq or something
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Good thing it was his birthday because I accidentally grabbed his dick at the bar. A lot.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
The great thing about vietnam is that if I'm drunk during the day people just think I'm being white
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
Did you drink ALL that 151??
No. We drank all the jaeger... Then used the 151 to start the fire. We're also out of paper towels... And your hairspray is flammable.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
Randomize
