The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
And on that day, Satan said; "Let there be the friend zone and let us get fucking high." while Jesus silently cried in the background.
I'm having a really difficult time dealing with the fact that my dog now shares a name with Snooki's crotch-spawn.
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
I know you can't find me. Somehow I ended up on the roof smoking a cig with the strippers that are on break. Way too drunk to deal with this right now.
Randomize
