just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
Well that's not true. She had two social skills. She kept them in her bra
they started playing Don't Stop Believin' and you had a melt down because it wasnt the Glee version
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
the gays at disneyland are vicious
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
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