His vagina is bleeding blood all over the court
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
you win again, gameday.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
it's just like freshman year of high school, with more drugs
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
you looked at her and told her she looks like the girl you lost your virginity to then told her you wanted to lose it to her again
There are fucking limits. Jerking another guy off in the bar toes the line.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
How did work go after you told them you were in jail?
Great they tried to bail me out.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Randomize
