we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
she's a dental assistant. she can get nitrous. kinda looks like a sloppy bucket of fuck. time to take one for the team. NEED SHOTS STAT!!
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Based on the grey fur I pulled from my teeth, I think her vagina has mice.
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
