i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
It's a bathroom floor kind of morning.
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
i told him I'd let him eat part of a weed cookie out of my cleavage, so he pulled over like a gentleman.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
Well after the shots I danced with a homeless guy, split my toe on broken glass, and had a 20 piece mcnugget. Who says postgrad life is boring.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
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