Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
If it makes you feel better, I doubt anything could survive in your uterus.
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
She spent a lot of time to get her cleavage to look that good. It would be rude not to stare. It shows you are paying attention. Chicks dig that.
My roommate is trying to suck beer out of the rug.
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
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