No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
Your favorite bartender is back from prision
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
In a bar surrounded by couples hooking up. I'm just staring at one. Not drunk enough. Come save me.
i cant believe we used adam and eve as a sexting theme last night
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
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