help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
ive come to the point where weve hung out more times sober than drunk. i think im growing up. fuck.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
can we do this tomorrow? ...i accidently got high.
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
