So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
(This is the second time ive been high enough to decide to run for office)
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
