This girl is more easily done than said...
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
but seriously, an anthropology paper shouldn't be hard if you're trashed, right?
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
All I want to do is lay in my bed and eat hotdogs
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
