Umm I'm too high to move.
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Tornado booty call.. dedication
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I just found a nug casually in my room under my duffel bag. Is this a sign I need help?
Randomize
