would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
As I was driving her home she congratulated each and every deer we saw for making it through the first day of dear season.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
The multiple male orgasm is a real thing. I've seen it. I've caused it. I called him a unicorn.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
