i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
My landlord wasn't pleased about the new fire pit we built him.
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
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