my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Apparently Chef Boyardee is the only guy I'm taking home tonight.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
For the millionth time in his career, Brett Favre has screwed over the Vikings
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
I just want you to know I tipped the cab driver $10 last night because I felt bad that he didn't have healthcare.
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
It's like I opened a door and behind it lay mythical creatures sprinklin fairy dust upon the land leading me to a pot of gold. And that gold is some delicious cock.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize