Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
As soon as the judge read that I rear ended the car from getting roadhead he chuckled. You know he's been there before.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
Its a shame I cant put 'bomb ass head game' on my resume.
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
I assure you, it was not a Porn Hub Bee Movie parody.
Straight up just cock blocked my dad. Also this apple sauce is good.
Randomize
