i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
I will fuck a handful of worms if you hold them
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
you were stumbling around in your attic looking for all your swim team medals because you wanted to "feel like a champion."
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
We were fucking in the back of my truck and no joke a skunk came up and sprayed us. How am I supposed to explain this to my parents
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