we are driving next to a guy driving and masturbating while looking at a naked magazine. I love LA
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
The fact that I am sitting home writing a resume while you're out inducing vomiting makes me feel like way more of an adult than I'm ready to be.
I held a cracker & gaterade down for an hour. I feel like this will be my greatest accomplishment of the day.
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I kind of just assumed by how he whisked eggs that he would be bad in bed.
I've never been so turned off by an omelet.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
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