god. i hate danny gokey.
Hes like the kid in school that reminds the teacher they forgot to assign homeowrk.
he's mormon right? lame.
the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
when she said she was from California you started sobbing. You begged her not to melt your popsicle because you paid good money for it and you just wanted to eat it in peace.
You're the only person I know who would say "we'll play it by ear" referring to a threesome
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
ALso, saw an adorable man walking an adorable dog with his adorable kid.
And yes, that last sentence is biased because my ovaries started screaming
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I just traded a couple nudes for pizza delivery. Call me lazy, easy, or an entrepreneur, but either way I'll have dominoes in 15 minutes.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
He’s actually a personal trainer. He said he hasn’t taught yoga in a while but the stripper prefers to introduce him as a yoga teacher
Randomize
