We could sell used underwear with pictures of us wearing them.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
Beer lympzucs are ki7lling me
I don't remember much, but my night is dated pre-Jaeger and post-Jaeger. Also, my boss may or may not have tucked me in.
you were exchanging tortilla chips with the guy at the next table, telling him your table was given the "big chips" because it was your 21st birthday
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
I'm having Vietnam flashbacks. This Kid I hooked up with is speaking in class and I keep experiencing the terror.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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