I think I should just go up to him and say, "before I invest time in this could I just take a look at your penis?"
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
Best compliment ever: Being told that you really understand sex by a professional. After she gave you a HANDJOB.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Something about the fact that I could do coke off her ass cheeks just speaks to me
Walking into class right now and I swear to god I smoked down the substitute teacher we have at a party I went to last week
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
His sister gave me the "if you hurt him I will break your neck" talk. I didn't know how to tell her we're not a couple.
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
Randomize
