I think I left something in your back seat.... It was my integrity
I think my fart just growled at me.
and parents always said I was only motivated by money. Pfft they forgot vodka.
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Whatevss it will be funn .. Hopefully no one projectile vomits on the wall again.. Its kinda become a tradition though
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
it wasn't a total waste of time; I mean how often do you get to play scotch pong?
.....fair enough
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
HAPPY AIDS-LESS FOURTH OF JULY YOU HEALTHY FUCK
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
I just tried to lit a bowl with my chapstick.
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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