maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
Oh my god he's laying on a longboard singing the song from cool runnings.
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Randomize
