Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Absinthe night with my dad again, I could get used to this being home thing.
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I might as well walk around wearing a sandwich board and accept the fact that I'm dying single.
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
