Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
you threw up out the window, wiped your face with a twenty dollar bill, and threw that out the window too.
did we at least go back and get it?
how else do you think we got jack in the box...?
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
