Hey its bob the builder. Where did you go?
i think you know its gunna be a bad day when it starts with throwing up into a red plastic cup
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
Dude i thought about you literally the second after I came. This friendship is starting to cross some serious boundaries
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
He said watch this and then went and tripped into a group of 40 year old women, now he's leaving the club with them.
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
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