I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I bet him anal if they won...the one time Detroit decides to win, it had to be this week
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
Change the recording on your voicemail. He found your number and my ass print on the car hood.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
He was only in jail for 4 hours before he was someone's prison wife
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Even after hearing me fuck his friend twice in one night, he still follows me around like a puppy.
Randomize
