My mom says you aren't allowed to eat doritos at my house
then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
I just woke up with the words DO IT on my hand and six beers in my purse.
you convinced me to pee myself because I was wearing dark jeans.
There's a girl sitting in front of me making a PowerPoint on Jack Bauer.
He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
We had sex and then ordered pizza after. This relationship is looking good so far.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize