Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
We're at that point in our relationship where sweatpants sex has become acceptable...
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
All I can think of is a mama duck followed by her baby ducks, in brightly colored track shoes.
How high are you?
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I think I left my thong in your bed. Careful. It has the power to destroy the agitator on a washing machine
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
You planned on giving him head in the shower?
More like I just fell and it seemed like a good idea when I was down there
Randomize
