Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I broke the girls bed. I will not apologize about bragging.
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
I think my biggest regret in life is not banging you in the science museum
I'm not going out, it's sweat pants and gallon vodka night at my place and I'm the only one on the guest list.
This is because you lost at fooseball isn't it?
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
Randomize
