so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
We didn't have beer, so we played mini-beer pong with shots and frozen peas.
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
Well according to all the calls, texts, and Facebook messages, I threw up on you guys last night.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
Randomize
