I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
Tampa is so boring. I'm dying. I want lots of cleavage at my funeral. If i cant get laid, i want my friends to. I'm that kind of person
....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
I think I get why guys like boobs so much. I just motorboated myself and it's fun. My boobs feel soft and squishy on my face.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
She left you responsible for her guinea pig for what, 3 hours? And it somehow died under your care? I will no longer trust you with so much as a beer.
Randomize
