Theres a note on my antibiotics that says "Do not chew or crush. Swallow whole." I think that would be a good tattoo for just above my penis.
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
I think my plan to not drink this week was just ruined by my mothers discovery of the chat function on facebook
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I'd just like to give a shout out to jesus and plan b for making this day possible.
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
I can only get completely wasted and hungry two more times and then we're out of fritos.
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
I'm not in it for just the sex. If I wanted mediocre dick once a week I would have stayed with one of my exes.
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
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