You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
We showed up to the ER to pick him up and I was still wearing face paint from the game. Then I threw up in the sink. Those doctors did not like us at all.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
