I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I dont care about anyone or anything else I just want to make love to you on my air mattress
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Day #3 of being the only sober person at the bar. This is depression.
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
You rolled around in the grass BEFORE we went in and said it was because "ladies love that eau de earth"
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Godammit I caught my hair on fire taking a bong rip
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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