I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
Dude wtf I'm sitting behind some girl in class who is creeping on my facebook page. I don't even know who she is..
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
I told him he was a man of science and that he should conduct experiments on my tits to see how they stay up. I need you to hold onto my larynx when I'm drunk.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
on a scale of one to ten where does vomming from being hungover during a professionalism lecture fit
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
Opening my shipments of mascara and nipple pasties this morning like a boss bitch
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