i think my tv is drunk
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Dude, she told me she wanted to bang my dad. I don't know which is worse, the fact that she wants to or the fact that she told me.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
He told me I had nice tits + they have a great shape. + then proceeded to flatten my boob + show me what the gross tits he's seen look like.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Like woke up with a dick piercing kind of drunk.
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Randomize
