Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
I need you to help me convince Steph that she will like Tequila if she would chase it with A-1
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
At least now when I say "never again" the likelihood is that it won't actually happen again the next weekend...that my friend is called growth
When my mom found out he was a high school drop out she was like "seriously? Can we raise the bar a little higher next time kels?" So my moms pretty cool
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
You know your acid trip is going well when the orange you're eating gives you a life lesson
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
About that photo of the cake you just sent. You do realize it’s on a glass table, right? We can all see your reflection in it, and you’re very obviously naked.
Randomize
