And as you crawled into the bathroom last night you repeatedly said "I know the routine".
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
I knew this night was headed for bad when I was drinking cherry bombs out of a sippy cup in the shower
Here is your half hour reminder. Meet you at emergency room.
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I realize ur driving andwont read this til u stop, but I'm sleeping in the bed of the pickup. Please don't hit a deer.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
