So, we're in the car ready to fuck and she asks about my ex. I wave at my lap and say, "bye". She asks what I'm doing. I say, "waving goodbye to my erection"
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
The only comparison I have for the iPhone is that it's like youre constantly getting a blow job
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
WHO JUST REMOVED THAT SAME BOARD IN TWO MINUTES FLAT WITH NO INJURIES, SHOES, SOCKS, OR BRA?! THIS BITCH. CRACKIN A BEER FOR DA SHOWA. BITCHES AIN'T SHIT MOTHAFUCKA
Let me get this straight, you're telling me to lower my standards? Even though last week you told me I don't have any..?
I mean I want to go somewhere. I just don't want to put on pants or behave.
She was from Wisconsin, she had great boobs... I mean... It's a dairy state....
My cat just smacked my blunt from my hand and then put her head in my hand. I don't know how to feel
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
His hair is as curly as mine. It was like watching me go down on myself.
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