idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
If I would have known that wiping my dick on her pillow would have caused her to leave........
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I just remember making out with this kid's friend, washing blood off my hands and hearing the RA's were looking for me.
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
No one figured out why I brought along the vibrating massager.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
He just tried to eat my hair and he keeps talking about pissing on everything, come home soon I beg of you
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize