I got oddly confused when she started talking in third person in bed.
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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