I woke up at 11 this morning in my car parked in front of the bar.
I know, I tried to wake you up, but I couldnt. So I walked home
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
I just looked at the guy in the car next to me and he was wearing a divers mask. We just nodded cause we both understood.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Then, halfway through our conversation, I remembered what you drunkenly told me last night and was all "maintain eye contact, do not look at his massive penis".
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
the raccoons are back...
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
