this guy at work is bossing me around at work. He is 24 and still has highlights and spikes his hair.
You're getting bossed around by a 1999 Highschool Yearbook picture?
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
did all my christmas shopping this morning at 4am drunk. never went to sleep. i was walking home drunk last night when i passed a target and saw 3 kids having a dance off. had to join. somehow they convinced me to go shoopping with them. i bought 4 disco balls and a lava lamp.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
Okay I shall begin. Thank you Swedish chef
Hurrfy smmurdshy burrfst!
That is the exact response I was looking for.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
My grandma just invited me to gate crash a funeral for the free food. Priorities.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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