When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
You puked in the drive thru of Taco Bell. You puked as it was being handed to me. You managed to yell out "FIRE SAUCE" in between hurls.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
Ok, gonna go sleep cuz my brain wants to be smart and not follow my pussy into the danger zone
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
I haven't been hungover in so long I'm actually looking forward to it
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
We can't do acid Disneyworld.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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