I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Seriously. My vagina. Can we talk about it? It's gonna jump off this treadmill and devour my trainer.
Try not to get arrested for it, but otherwise i support you
He's CUTE. and foreign
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I just woke up butt-naked in bed with a guy I've never seen..I reached into my bag next to the bed to get my phone and found a bag of shrooms, a handle of vodka, and 600 dollars that I've never seen. what do I do
enjoy it.
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
Randomize
