the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
I have a love/hate relationship when men come within a 10 minute time frame.
he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
Things I've learned: after you move in with a girl it's much less satisfying to wipe your dick on her sheets after sex because now they're your sheets too
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
on my way to nyc to take a survey about my sexual activity. if you dont hear from me for a few days, assume they had me committed...
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
I'm the only person who goes to break up a friends with benefits and comes out with a boyfriend
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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