wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
My landlord doesn't knock anymore when he shows the apt... So i just had sex in front of a family.
didn't stop?
naw, they were rude, not me.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
is wine microwaveable?
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
And I'm still awake, and you left me. Like the guy on Jurassic Park, that jumped out of the car expecting me to save myself while there is a man eating T-rex ready to tear my ass apart except theres a mathematician and paleontologist there to save me because they are bad asses.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
She said if her future children dont have blue eyes she wont love them
I need you to go into my room and get some pants then bring them and four band aids to Sam's apartment no questions
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