i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I thought it couldn't get worse until she said "Nipple hair"
I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
I just walked in on my sixteen year old sister soaking her tampon in vodka. I go to Berkeley. And they think she's the good daughter.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Before getting out of the car, she said "Thanks for getting me off." I like how polite she is.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
Can't talk, ducks in the car
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