It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
If we keep treating our bodies like amusement parks we have another 10 years left at best.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
Can one of you do me a favor? Light a match and throw it into my room. Bc I'm certain I would rather be burned to death than live in this hell I call my life
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I guess she was just worried I'd end up sleeping with you again
It's not too late to disappoint her you know...
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
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