Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
Just watched Hilary Duff have a three-some on Gossip Girl...all I could imagine was that LIzzie Maguire cartoon girl freaking out above their heads
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
He walked in AS I was cumming. Now even my father knows I'm a squirter.
omg. he's a virgin strip club employee who's going to college on a ping pong scholarship. this is unreal.
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
Whoever said that remembering a girls name is a basic rule for getting laid has never met me.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
Randomize
