i cant even explain all the reasons why i dont want to fuck you right now.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
she won't be coming home tonight because she tried stealing a baby giraffe from the zoo
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Randomize
