i just went dwnstairs and there are 5 guys without their shirts on hugging each other. i think i should leave now
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
you yelled "who's job is it to keep me from breaking shit" and then immediately ripped off the molding as you fell down the stairs.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
Just heard the girl at the bar cuss her bf out and order a long island ice tea. Going to give it 5 min then I'm going in. See you on the other side.
Why were you eating a hot dog in the bathroom at 230 am?
My roommate was sleeping, I thought it would be rude
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
I almost don't wanna have sex with her because I'm afraid she'll steal my hat
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
one week and then i'm back on the sexual grind. a party is being planned in my vagina's honor
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