so the sex was amazing up until the point where she said "wow, you're even better than your dad!"
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
I just had a flash of me drinking straight vodka out of a condom...
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I feel like he's mythological. Like you just had lunch with the Loch Ness Monster of hotness
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
Plus my dignity needs a night alone with me.... Oh that's right. I lost it last night
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
Randomize
