Don't be scared. It'll feel very good. And you'll be clean afterwards. I'm growling right now.
I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
Is it weird that I miss finding cum in my bed?
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I have to hand it to her. In my heyday I took home the 'biggest shitshow of the night' award 9 times out of 10. But I passed the torch on to her last night, and she went skipping merrily far and away with it into the enchanted world of aggressive alcoholism. Is this 30?
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
