he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
I look like I just got gang banged and I'm wearing a Taylor swift t shirt. It's not gonna be a pretty breakfast.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I WOLD FCUK YUO INTOO THE MOON
THE MOOOOOOOON
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
we're forecasting high levels of inebriation into the evening with dropping temperatures late at night
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
