Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
OMG! Someone dumped chocolate soft-serve in the bathroom! Dibs!
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do you think the firemen will remember me?
Yes. But you were sloppy, sobbing, and puked on two of them. You won't get in their pants.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
I came home and my mom goes "why are you barefoot and where the hell are your shoes?" and I replied "I have French fries"
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
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