By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I spent part of my valentines extracting candy hearts from a woman's vagina. The entire time I was thinking "this job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes. This job pays for my Mercedes."
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm spending my Sunday wishing the entire Patriots offense would let me touch their manhood
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
I HAD SEX WITH COLBY AND HIS FIVE YEAR PLAN IS TO STEAL A REALLY EXPENSIVE PAINTING AND ASKED ME IF ID BE INTO HELPING HIM AND I WOKE UP IN HIS BED TO A WOMANS TUBE TOP NEXT TO ME
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
