I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
If fate has that penis in my future.....I'm down.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
He likes bondage and spanking and shit.
Oh, so "normal" kinky not "I wanna pee on people" kinky. I can handle that.
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
I just used my sisters cheerleading plaque and a children's book to crush up painkillers to snort. Happy Friday
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
