It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
Before I left in the morning I deleted her purity ring app off her iPod, I figured it would save her the shame
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
Abort mission; I repeat: Abort mission.I found an attractive one.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking ros, bitch!
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
They were playing some sort of fast food scavenger hunt game as an ice breaker. Some chick stamped a Starbucks logo on my hand and told me to go find the girl with the matching stamp and fill her with cream.
Dave had an Arby’s stamp and some sorority girl grabbed him and screamed “I’ve have the meat!”\n
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