The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Everytime Our professor said "penis fencing" in class today we took shots.
Ugh contemplating vodka and chocolate protein powder as this Capri sun and vodka isn't really cutting it
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I just wanna get drunk and go sledding in my kayak
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
