dude can i febreze my hair or is that slutty?
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
When they saw it was the 7th inning of the baseball game one took off running for the beer stand while his friend is yelling "BUY THE KEG"!
My roommate says its rare that you can be tear gassed before you lose your virginity so i feel accomplished in life
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
Bring your friend that fell asleep in the bathroom for my friend.
Nothing bad can happen when you have a kiwi flavored condom. Absolutely nothing.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
SOMEONE has to puke in the potted plants at an Xmas party. As their boss I felt it should be me.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Every minute you wait for the sex that's not gonna happen, we're missing a tone deaf, drunk, tard-asaurus rex half-sing a 90's song to a bunch of other dinotards at karaoke.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
The only times we have to apologize in this friendship is when you intentionally punch me and that's only happened once so it's okay
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