Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
You stole her cigarette screaming that you were going to stop the air cancer from getting everyone.
at least i was looking out for everybody
I wish you could see the look on my boss's face right now.
wtf?
Before you passed out in the middle of the NHL 10 party you had to prove that you were a better fighter than Patrick Kane. Your not. Thanks for the black eye dipshit.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
Just topless shotgunned a bud light alone. I am about to peer mentor the shit out of these freshmen.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
Woke up under the lifeguard stand sleeping next to mitch our homeless friend. I bartered a summer wardrobe for his last 5 dollar to buy a bfast sandwich. Bring clothes
Our logic class started an hour ago, I walked out and found my sister drunk, sitting down, eating m&ms, afraid to walk in... I want her life
I told him to just roll me a blunt and put it in a heart shaped box.
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
It will be the shitshow of all shitshows.
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
Randomize
