Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
Dude I broke my bong in half this morning. I kicked it as I was jerking off. I would never hide anything from you.
Got home. Hugged Mom. The look on her face indicated she noticed nipple rings.
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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