I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
apparently i broke a 100 dollar bill to tip the bartender on a free drink
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I decided to buy a keg of Miller Lite instead of paying the electric bill. Just thought I'd give you a heads up...
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Why is there a keg in our kitchen? I'm not complaining but why is there a keg in our kitchen?
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Guess who has two thumbs and broke her boyfriends dick?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
I need to stop being so honest when I'm drunk. I got proposed to by a stranger again last night. It's not my fault that I would be perfectly ok making sandwiches and giving blow jobs for the rest of my life.
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
