I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
I was happy to be the center of attention..until i realized why everyone was staring
What type of outfit says "I know you slept with my boyfriend before and are also way skinnier than me, but I look better...somehow"
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
You asked her to play "the coma game" with you while hooking up, and then passed out in her bed. She couldn't wake you up so she slept on the floor.
Looks like I won that one
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
