u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Well the "Blackout with your sack out" party turned out predictably.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
I just spent a solid 3 minutes trying to figure out how to send a smell through my phone
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
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