i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
I woke up on the toilet with my feet gorilla glued to the floor, cake and makeup on my face and my hand glued to my head.
Welcome to the world of vodka. Rule #1: NEVER PASS OUT. Happy 21st
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
I SWEAR TO ALL THAT IS HOLY I HAVE NEVER WIPED MY GENITALIA ON ANY TYPE OF EMERGENCY RESPONSE VEHICLE!!
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
